Moving forward
When stuck in a rut, the only direction one could move is forward right?
I have been stuck in a rut for quite some time. It all began when I left my job. Citing obligations to my community and parents and the correct handling of time.
I was dead set on leaving my job and making something useful with my acquired knowledge.
Since then, I had opened a bank account, participated in buildspace, participated in a remote cloud security internship, worked with multiple clientele for their mobile app development needs, helped organize a fundraiser for palestine, engaged with multiple protests for palestine, helped out with my father’s school and engaged with some side projects of my own. None of them yielded me any money.
Besides, I dont think I did all of that for just mere money, although I have now got to know the value of said money. I was captivated by new experiences and had become an experience junkie. Gaining new experiences and widening my scope is what motivated me to take these decisions. I detest being a frog in a well.
I learnt the value of money during my period of working with clientele and during the cloud security internship where I was faced with two very drastic circumstances.
During my period of working on an IOT app, I had to brave through hunger along with my friend khadeer (he was job hunting) in our subletted room. As we didnt have any money and I tell you, this was gut wrenching in nature. I had to complete a set of tasks in order to receive the money, thats how the gig economy works.
Hunger due to waiting for a late delivery from zomato cannot be compared to hunger emnating from work with no means of quenching. We would try to quench our hunger with water and gratefully eat what was given from my mother (she lived nearby). It was summer time and we didnt have an AC so we were essentially sluggish sweaty and hungry people.
I donot have the guts to ask them money, if i do so, then that would be the most shameful of all the things that I have done. I braved through and didnt pester them unless needed. They were even kindhearted to cook for khadeer as well.
The second would be the late night work (meeting)? that I had to do when in the cloud security internship. This was also literally gut wrenching in nature as I had to complete innumerable tasks in the day and participate in a 6 hour long meet from 8.00 - 12.00 or 1.00? (cant remember) because of the timezone constraints.
The organization was based in LA, California and I was in Chennai. you get the gist. My body couldnt keep up with the pace and eventually broke down. Thankfully? Chennai was hit by a cyclone back then and I was given a free pass for 2 weeks.
The value of money in buying off time and hunger has been made invaluable to me right now.
The time to rest and the energy from eating are taken for granted by us since our school days. And most of the well off guys would never experience this.
Experiences change a person.
Out of all of those experiences, the one that had the most memorable impact was the fundraiser. I was a random guy in the organizing of this, all I did was bring a mic and a speaker. The reason for my participation in this event is simply because I was unstable and had to do something about the ongoing crime against humanity, the genocide of palestinians.
The breaking down of the supposedly civilized society is happening on realtime and is even livestreamed around the globe as if playing a joke on the collective intellect of the global ummah. A cruel joke on the victims, those who never expected it and those who have lived it from day 0.
And here, I got to know how utterly incompetent I was. What was I doing, all this time? These kids are trying to make an impact, while I am sitting on my bum making excuses? I had never respected any individual who cannot think past themselves. But here, I got to meet all these wonderful characters who are using time in the best way possible. Helping others. I want a piece of that too, I thought. This is much more fullfilling than working for one’s own gain.
I have been stuck in a rut for quite sometime, not sure of whether to chase towards capital or towards social change. There is a need to work out a way where I dont compromise on one or the other.
Maybe the diamond is hidden within plain sight. For starters, I could try and create change from my immediate surroundings.